This week I am going to take on some vodka,some tequila, some scotch, a nice Irish whisky, a mid-level bourbon and some beer. I recently constructed a new bar in my lair and gave it a real nice pub like atmosphere so I have been spending a little extra time with my liquid friends. Lets begin shall we?
Two Fingers- Two Fingers Tequila is made by Heaven Hill, which actually also makes Evan Williams, which I will be talking about a little later. While I wouldn’t really consider Two Fingers “Top Shelf” by any standards, I can still drink it pretty hard without getting a headache…which says something. I do genuinely like the taste in a shot and it mixes well into most drinks, I found I can get about 2 shots into a regular size glass without it overpowering the mix.
I give Two Fingers a 7 out of 10. It’s a good drink on a good budget.
Blavod- Blavod comes to us from the U.K. and brings with it a sense of style. I first tried it about five years ago because, well, it is jet black vodka and it just looked cool. I don’t often drink vodka because it WAS one of the few alcohols that made me violent when I drank it, but I guess I’ve mellowed out in my old age because now I can swill it back with no problems. When I do drink vodka I spend a little money on it because cheap vodka tastes like nasty piss water mixed with paint remover. Blavod on the other hand tastes like happiness and angel sex. It is a smooth drinking, smooth tasting son of a bitch. Like the world’s most famous vodka drinker, James Bond, when he slips into his tux this vodka is classy and good-looking but with just a hint of bad ass.
I can’t give this a full 10 out of 10 as badly as I want to, but 9 out of 10 aint bad.
Jameson- Jameson Irish Whiskey. It just sounds distinguished and delicious doesn’t it? Don’t get me wrong, I will ALWAYS love bourbon and I will always drink it, but lets face facts people, Irish people are known for their drinking. I’m Irish and I’m known for my drinking so I take no offense to that stereotype, nor do most Irishmen I know because the truth is we take pride in our whiskey and in our ability to drink it. The Irish practically invented the drink and since 1805 Jameson was the number one producer of Irish made whiskey in the world. Jameson my be a little pricier than what you are used to paying for whiskey, but it is worth every penny. From the moment it hits your lips, Jameson wraps you up in a warm hug and comforts you all the way down. This is one of the few beverages I will never put into a mix drink because it is just too good on its own. Jameson over a little bit of ice is like a little slice of heaven.
Jameson gets a 10 out of 10. Don’t question it.
Johnnie Walker– In the family of whiskey there are three equally important cousins. One cousin is American, is born in Kentucky and goes by the name “bourbon”, another cousin comes from Ireland and has come to define an entire race of people (see above) and the last cousin comes out of Scotland. Scotch is to whiskey what exotic sports cars are to automobiles, it is in a class by itself and anyone with any taste or class at all can tell you how good it is. While there are hundreds of Scotch makers there are two powerhouses that cast a shadow over all. They are Johnnie Walker and The Glenlivet, since no one that reads THIS blog can probably afford The Glenlivet we will just focus on Johnnie.
Mr. Walker produces a few different “blends” of whiskey (Scotch whiskey is actually various whiskeys blended together in a precise manner to take the best qualities of all the whiskeys in the blend), Red Label, Black Label, Swing, Green Label, Gold Label and Blue Label are the six blends that are currently available. I regularly choose the Black Label when I am out at the bar, it contains about 40 whiskeys in the blend and is extremely smooth and not too pricey, when I am at home and I can afford it I like to drink Green Label, Gold Label is a bit to pricey to be for anything other than special occasions and Red Label and Swing are both pretty damn good too though I don’t drink them often. Now you may be saying to yourself, “but Rocky, what about Blue Label”. Forget it. You can’t afford it and if you can you don’t need me to tell you how great it is.
I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly… 10 out of 10
Evan Williams– Also made up by the good people over at Heaven Hill, I would have to say that Evan Williams ranks above Jack and Jim but below Eagle Rare and Maker’s Mark. I have absolutely no complaints about it, in fact it is one of the bottles I currently have on my bar butler. It is excellent straight and good in mixes, the only place it lacks a little for me is on the rocks. To me when it’s poured over ice it finishes with an almost sweet taste that I am not the biggest fan of. Still though, HH seems to be spot on with pricing and it is a great value.
Schlitz– Getting drunk on Schlitz is what I call Schlitzkrieging. Schlitz tastes like it was brewed using water from a secret spring deep inside a greasy ass hole. It gives you a hang over, smells like a sweaty dick sack and turns your shit green and you will LOVE every second of it. Schlitz is one of those beers that you KNOW will make you pay for drinking it later, but you don’t care. You drink it anyway and you can’t stop. If it’s so bad why do I drink so much of it? Good question, the answer is this beer IS the American working class. It gets no respect, everyone always bets against it and it generally has no class, but it is always there for you and it always gets the job done.
If you ever pay more than a dollar a can for Schlitz you need punched right in the face but trust me this is the High Lord and Master of cheap beer. Drink it, love it, thank me later.
It’s the beer that made Milwaukee famous. 6 out of 10.
PBR– Not that I advocate under-age drinking lets just be honest and admit that it happens. When you’re in high school you drink Beast and Natty’s, your fist beer in college is either a Mickey’s or a snooty micro brew but your first college party…nothing but PBR ME PDQ! From its iconic, instantly recognizable can to its watered down with just a hint of “old man smell” flavor, Pabst Blue Ribbon is THE college beer. PBR is smooth, it goes down easy and you can slam it through a beer bong so fast it’ll make your bladder EXPLODE!!!