An Open Letter to Conan O’Brien

The King

Unless you’ve been living under a rock or in a cave for the last week you already know about the turmoil that NBC has unleashed by making a terrible choice.

Just in case maybe you have missed it, the quick version is Jay Leno has been in the toilet as far as ratings go and NBC has decided rather than have a Spartacus style uprising of the affiliates, they will be canceling the Jay Leno show on the night the 2010 winter Olympics begin.

If they had kept it simple and just canned Jay I am sure a few Leno fans would have written letters but it would be nothing more than a blip on the pop culture radar. Instead, rather than fire The Mighty Chin, the suits at NBC have decided to move Leno back to the 11:35 pm time slot and screw Coco Christopher out of a time and a job that is rightfully his.

Now I am old enough to remember the “Lat Night Wars” and the “Stand Up For Jay” campaign, and I will admit that for some time Jay was relevant and a good host for the tonight show though Letterman would have done just as good of a job, but if anyone says that they tuned into the last five years of Jay’s tenure on te tonight show for anything other than “Headlines” or “Jay Waking” their lying to you.

Jay may still be funny as a stand up comic but as a host he just doesn’t cut it. So o.k., lets say Jay goes back to 11:35 and Conando leaves the network, what happens when the Peacock realizes that Jay’s shitty ratings at 10 pm had nothing to do with the time the show aired but had to do with the fact that he isn’t funny any more and Coco isn’t there to save them?

That being said, let me start my letter.

Dear Conan,

I grew up watching you. I grew up idolizing you. Just as I am sure you grew up with Johnny, you were always my hero of the late night.  16 years ago I turned 12 and I was given a 12 inch t.v. to put in my bedroom. I would sit up studying or reading or looking at porn and then as I fell asleep I would kick my t.v. on and watch your show.

No other person has influenced my writing as much as ou have. No other person has influenced my sense of humor as much as you.

On a personal note, perhaps the reason I connected with you so much is because I am a tall (6’8″), lanky fair-skinned, slightly awkward person and I saw you not only as a successful person but doing exactly what I wanted to do with my life.

When you took control of the Tonight Show in June of last year it was like a religious movement for me. It was probably the most historical event to happen in my lifetime after only the election of President Obama. People around me would say that your comedy was to crass to take the Tonight show but I dismissed them. I would proudly say that aside from The Masturbaiting Bear you were all ready to go.

I have never missed an episode of the tonight show since you took over and I can honestly say that for the first time in my life I was PROUD of a celebrity because, without coming off as creepy, I felt like I grew up with you.  From your time as a writer on the Simpsons through today when you sat with Ricky Gervais, you have been part of my life.

As much as I hope that NBC gets its collective head out of its ass and allows you to continue to helm the Tonight Show, I tune in for you, nothing else so I will follow you where ever you go.

In closing I just want to say thank you for the laughs Conan. I can never thank you enough. I have three daughters but if I ever had a son the plan was always to name him Conan.

I guess it goes without saying that I’m with Coco.

I'm with Coco

2 responses to “An Open Letter to Conan O’Brien

  1. Hey
    everybody, I am going to get a job, work at it for 17 years, retire,
    come back to the same job in an entry level position, get horrible
    performance review ratings and make my company lose almost all its
    distributors then demand a promotion back to my old title while
    crushing the dreams of the guy that just started my old job. LOOK AT MY CHIN!!!

  2. I’m thinking NBC saw that picture of you with a flaming bush and felt that the safest thing to do would be to get rid of Coco. “My God, if this is the type of fagots that follow Conan, we have to throw him to the curb like a red headed step chi….. You get the idea!” Thanks, Rocky D, for getting Coco canned!

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