Gentlemen, we are under attack. Attack by uglyass titties. Space Yeties have shown just how different they are from Space Bigfoot.
Whereas space Bigfoot crashed in the woods and took our virginity, over and over w his hairy space cock, space yeties have undertaken a much more sinister type of warfare. They have polluted the strip clubs of the PA-WV-OH triumverate with nappy headed Ho’s and chunky midgets w greasy hair and tyrannosaur arms. That is legit, they have alligator arms like Freddie Mitchell and Chris Benoit.
Only a special unit of highly trained hockey daytrippers can seek out these filthy Yeti plants and kill them by shooting cum out of our ears while getting lapdances from girls who are actually hot. The Yeti agents die a slow death when they are overlooked for dimes that are top of the line, cute face slim waist and a big behind. If we do not seek out and infiltrate these strip clubs, the Yeti geisha fatties will conspire to murder the innocence in the hearts of all smoking ass hot full nude dancers. I can just see those little bags of shit right now, rubbing eachothers bellyfat, all warm in their stinky midget Yeti nests made out of hay and fecal matter and locks of gorgeous stripper pubic hair they collect little by little from under the razors hot strippers use to shave their delicious slits before they jam them in our faces.
We simply cannot sit by and allow these filthy midget Yeti tyrannosaur terrorists to get a foothold in our area. We must attack them by going to each club pinned on the top secret map I have earlier disclosed. We must get lapdances to save a future for our children where pussy will be revered in a dim club where sadness is as prevalent as my pitched tent.
As we take on these missions they will be given a green pin for victory or a red pin for defeat. Club Escape had received a green pin. If we encounter a club infested with these human roaches, we must immediately flee and consider the club a lost cause.
I shall fwd you all an email turbo sent me with all the year we will need.
In closing, anyone who gives money to a 5’2″ chubby stripper w greasy hair is no different than a man who gives AK47s to little kids like nick cage in lord of war.
God bless you, you titty sucking warriors.
– DUTMANIA Inc.
“Building a better tomorrow, one dryhump at a time.”