Hollywood- Today an email that was supposed to be kept at the highest secrecy between two studio executives was accidentally sent to a third party. That third party happened to be one of the executives jilted ex-lovers. The email contained information about a SNYDER biopic being developed by Darren Aronofsky and
Christopher Nolan. The film was being kept under wraps because SNYDER is one of the most important bands of the last four decades and they were trying to avoid any possible negative criticism from fanboys and music nerds.
While the email didn’t go into much detail about what would be covered in the film, shooting locations, script details or what songs would be featured, it did include a lot of casting information. Now, being that the SNYDER career encompasses over 30 years it is this reporter’s guess that younger actors will be cast to play younger versions of the band or maybe they’re gonna do some weird cgi crap. Any how here is all the important info.
Founding member Turbo will be played by Alan Ruck, which should come as no surprise since the two men are almost identical. King Dut will be played by Michael Rapaport who has said on various occasions that playing Dustin King would be his dream come true. Bo Jackson, yes that Bo Jackson beat out Aaron Eckhart for the role of Bodie. “He didn’t really look like Bodie but he really nailed the audition.” Rounding out the original line up are James Franco as Cimba and George Lopez as Groz.
As far as the rest of the band members, Nasty Noah will be played by Vincent D’Onofrio and Black Cimba will be portrayed by former Dru Hill great Sisqó even the two newest members, JaGe and Asian Cimba will be played byMark Paul Gosselaar and Jackie Chan respectively. “Asian cimba is obviously a homosexual Jackie Chan in the defining role of his acting career. He will win an Oscar.”
Other confirmed roles are Louis CK as the band’s long time manager “The Colonel” Tommy “3D” Dolan and Randy Couture in the role of current manager Lil’ Leo. Kris Kristofferson has also signed on to play King Dut’s father Poopsie.
While the story of SNYDER allows for many more roles to be filled by many more great actors, this is all that’s been confirmed so far.