The Amazing Misadventures of Willy the Poor

Deep in the hundred-acre trailer park,
where Jackinoff Rubbin plays,
you will find the enchanted neighborhood
of Jackinoff’s childhood days.

A donkey named Ass is his friend,
and Lionn and little Rat.
There’s Bunny and Swine and there’s Hooter.
but most of all Willy the Poor.

Willy the Poor, Willy the Poor,
silent little cubby wants to be your friend
He’s Willy the Poor, Willy the Poor,
Willy nilly silly ole bear.

…Willy nilly silly ole bear

In today’s episode Willy wakes up one day to find that he is out of grub stubs. While out searching for more, Willy discovers that Ass has lost his Neti pot. Willy, Lionn, Bunny, Hooter, Swine, and Rat come to the rescue, and Jackinoff Rubbin decides to hold a contest to see who can find a replacement for Ass’s Neti pot. The prize for the winner is a grub stubs card. After many failed attempts for what would replace Ass’s Neti pot(such as a tea pot), Rat suggests they use a crack pipe, but it breaks.

The next day, Willy goes to visit Jackinoff Rubbin and he finds a note that says “Went dahn ta Arcade, bring quarters.”. Because Willy is unable to read the note, he asks for Hooter’s help. Hooter’s state of intoxication causes him to mutter some dumb shit about a monster named The Rapey, and proceeds to lead Willy and his friends to believe that Jackinoff Rubbin has been abducted by a ruthless and mischievous monster they call the “The Rapey”. Willy and his friends plan to trap the Rapey in a pit, which they think he’ll fall into after following a trail of items leading to it. Meanwhile, Lionn, wanting a sidekick to help him defeat the Rapey, recruits Ass to be a second Lionn. He dresses up like the Rapey and tries to teach
Ass how to fight. Ass, who is doing this against his will, escapes from Lionn and hides underwater while hating fun and crying.

After a failed attempt to get grub stubs from a hobo, Willy’s imagination combined with his hunger get the better of him, and accidentally falls into the pit meant for the Rapey. Bunny, Rat, Hooter and Ass (who had found an old hookah whilst he was hiding to replace his own Neti Pot) try to get him out, but fall in themselves. Swine attempts to get Willy and friends out of the trap (though continuously irritating Bunny with overintrepretations of his instructions), but he runs into Lionn, still in his Rapey outfit, and mistakes him for the actual monster. Swine escapes from Lionn through a Hell’s Gate he drew with chalk on the basement floor, which knocks some whack-ass old blow-up dollst. After the chase, Lionn and Swine fall into the trap as well, where Ass reminds Lionn that he, being “the only one”, is “the most wonderful thing about Lionns”. Eventually, Willy figures out to use the fallen fuck toys to form a ladder, and the animals are able to escape the pit. They soon find Jackinoff Rubbin, and tell him about the Rapey, but he clarifies, saying “You guys are all fuckin’ retarded. I wanted you assholes to come down to the park and bring me some god damned quarters so I could eat pizza and play Ikari Warriors”.

Later, Willy visits Hooter only to find that Hooter was the one that took Ass’s Neti pot, because he thought that guy was “being a real pussy”. Hooter had been using Ass’s Neti Pot as a beer pong.. Willy chooses to leave and return the pot to Ass instead of sharing a the grub stubs with Hooter. Jackinoff Rubbin doesn’t give a shit about Willy’s kindness and convinces him to give Jackinoff all of his G.I Joe and wrestling figures in exchange for an expired grub card.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s