Willy the Poor and the Asian-Six-Holed-Sex-Doll

Deep in the hundred-acre trailer park,
where Jackinoff Rubbin plays,
you will find the enchanted neighborhood
of Jackinoff’s childhood days.

A donkey named Ass is his friend,
and Lionn and little Rat.
There’s Bunny and Swine and there’s Hooter.
but most of all Willy the Poor.

Willy the Poor, Willy the Poor,
silent little cubby wants to be your friend
He’s Willy the Poor, Willy the Poor,
Willy nilly silly ole bear.

…Willy nilly silly ole bear

Willy the Poor and his friends hear a strange noise like a bunch of squeak toys and jingle bells (and, in Lionn’s case, a major earthquake in the middle of the night, causing his house to be severely damaged). They jump to the conclusion that the noise and prints are from a Asian-Six-Holed-Sex-Doll, and Bunny organizes an expedition to go try to gang bang it; a disappointed Rat is told to stay behind, as everyone believes the expedition is too dangerous for one as hatred for immigrants and their sex toys as he.

Rat slips out on his own in search of the Asian-Six-Holed-Sex-Doll, and soon finds one; or at least someone who claims to be. In reality it is a Filipino lady-boy named “Stumpy”. Stumpy, colored yellow-brown and having a stereotypical Asian accent and a dick like an elephant’s trunk, but being not much more sober than Rat. Rat is afraid at first, but the two quickly become friends and go bowling. After a while, Stumpy hears a client calling for him to come into the back seat of his car for anal sex. Rat wants Stumpy to come home with him to meet his wife and possibly have a weird strange three way first, and they head towards the Hundred Acre Trailer Park. When they get to the fence, Stumpy suddenly stops; thinking that the “creatures” that live there are scary. Rat reassures him and they return to the Hundred Acre Trailer Park, which is deserted, as everyone else is still out searching for the Asian-Six-Holed-Sex-Doll. Rat and Stumpy soon become great friends and find that they’re not so different after all. While pounding shots of 151 and playing connect four, the two friends hear another of Stumpy’s clients calling him to perform fellatio again. Stumpy and Rat search for another client, but its real late at night and they get lost in the woods. Stumpy trunk dick to beat on a tree and try and get help, but it doesn’t work. After hours of searching, Stumpy assumes that they will never find their way home, and starts to cry. Stumpy unzips Rat’s pants and offers to suckle him when Rat sobers up enough to realize what’s going on and he kicks Stumpy in the throat.

Rat soon finds Hooter and the rest of the gang. Bunny thinks that Stumpy has captured and raped Rat, and gets real jealous that he didn’t get to have “Asian” sex so he starts to chase Stumpy through the traps he set up earlier in the film. Stumpy escapes the traps but falls asleep on a random couch and Bunny rapes his fucking face off.

Willy the Poor walks in on the situation and is a little freaked out that Bunny is standing over a dead, trans-sexual Asian hooker with a bloody cock but he is so desperate for friends, he agrees to drag the body outside and burn it behind his parents’ trailer. Bunny and Rat break into Willy’s Parents’ trailer to drink all their booze but once they get in their they realize that Willy’s parents are too poor to afford booze and they get real pissed and beat the shit out of Willy. To keep them as his friends a badly beaten and injured Willy agrees to use all his lunch money to buy them a bottle of wine.

On the way to the liquor store they pass Jackinoff Rubbin, Lionn and Ass standing in front of the “Hundred-Acre Wood” strip club. Jackinoff and Lionn are both blind drunk and begging to go inside while Ass says “Oh bother, I hate fun” and tries to convince them to stay outside while he grows his beard and listens to depressing music. Hooter swoops down from the sky, drunk out of his fucking mind screaming “FUCKIN’ SUE EM” for no reason at all. Just then he crashes into Bunny and passes out on his lap.

Someone in the strip club called the cops and as the sirens start blaring Willy the Poor starts to look scared because he still has dirt and blood and hair on him from burying a dead, tranny sex slave in his parents’ back yard (is it a yard in a trailer park). As his little eyes start to well up with tears Rat beats him over the head with a god damned phone book and yells, “man the fuck up and stop looking so god damn poor. The cops will only fuck with you if they think you’re poor”.

Two cops show up and tell the guys to calm down, Ass doesn’t hear them because he’s listening to Paint the Town Careless and he reaches down to his humongous phone to play another track and the cops think he’s going for a gun and shoot him. When they realize it was a phone and not a gun they start freaking out. Willy offers to help them out by planting Ass in the dirt next to Stumpy’s corpse. The cops agree but Rat, Bunny, Lionn, Hooter and Jackinoff Rubbin don’t trust the fucking fuzz and the whack those pigs.

Willy the Poor, Rat, Lionn, Bunny, Swine, and even Jackinoff Rubbin decide to go into the Hundred-acre Wood to get shitfaced and see some fuckin tits and the end credits roll. During 30 seconds of blackness you hear some sobbing and some hacking and coughing then a lightning lights up the sky to reveal Zombie Ass, out for revenge!!!

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