Even up.

For the past few years I have used this site for venting, making jokes, telling absurd stories, making fun of things and so on. From the first incarnation of heystupid right after I got out of college when the site got 10 visitors a day to the height of heystupid.net when there were 8 writers and we averaged 1500 visitors a day to now when I still get about 100 friends a day showing up, and I appreciate every single one of you.

In the past 10 years I have developed this character, Rocky, who really is an extension of me, albeit a very over the top, completely amplified version of me, he’s still not the real me. Yes I truly am an asshole, yes I truly make a lot of comments that straddle the line between funny and offensive, but in real life I am a functioning member of society and lets face it, Rocky never could be. Behind the overblown, crazy, fowl mouthed, insane creation that is Rocky, lies a real person, same as you, who at the end of the day, just wants to survive and have some semblance of happiness.

But that seems to be the hardest thing to achieve. In the last 11 years I have started a relationship, got a job, lost a job, moved half way across the country, got a new job, started a successful band, got married, had 3 kids, moved back, started my own company, closed my own company, moved again, started a new job, got divorced and finally started a new relationship. I gained 100 pounds, lost 60 pounds, bought an awesome brand new car, had it repossessed and saved until I could by a shitty, just get me around car. I moved into a nice home that now after my divorce I share with a roommate who I just met.

So many times I have gotten so close to finally being at a point where I could relax and enjoy life that I could almost touch it, just to have it swept away. I’m not telling you all this to make excuses or garner sympathy, I’m doing it to give you some idea of who I am. I drink… a lot, I smoke a lot, I do a lot of stupid things, all with the hope of dulling my senses just enough so as to not be constantly reminded of the whirlwind of shit things have been for such a long time.

I use a lot of these experiences to write the ridiculous shit that either makes it on to this site or into my stand up act and while I hate the fact that I over analyze everything and let what is essentially inconsequential bullshit get me down, sometimes I can’t help it. Usually, I would say about 80% of the time things just roll off me and I have no real problems but that other 20%, it drags me down, makes me not sleep for four or five days at a time, makes me shut down and push people away, and finally, drink every night until I’m blackout drunk so that I eventually just pass out and get an hour’s sleep or so.

I’m not stupid or delusional, I know this isn’t a good solution, or really any solution at all but it is a temporary fix and its a hell of a lot easier than actually opening up to someone. The truth is I’m not quite an alcoholic just yet, I don’t instantly turn to it, I don’t think about it all day long and I honestly don’t do it most nights, but when I do, I really, really do.

So anyway, I know I haven’t been updating this site as much as I should be but obviously, I have been distracted. I’m going to try and start keeping up with it, but I make no promises as of yet.

2 responses to “Even up.

  1. Hey, I do have a pocket rocker to this day with 14 tapes, all in working condition, and i have the base it sits on with the two speakers that hook up to it. I seen under th detail of it that someone would like to see one and in working condition. Get ahold of me. My email is babyblueeyed77@aol.com

  2. Remember your hilarious post a few years ago about weird album covers? Well, now there’s a regularly updated Facebook page called Awkward Band and Musician Photos with some of the same photos you posted.

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