The Cambria County War Memorial.

A lot of people see the Cambria County War Memorial (WARM AMORIAL if you’re actually from Johnstown) and think “Oh what a shitty venue, is Blue Oyster Cult really playing there? Is Blue Oyster Cult still a band”?

Yes, yes they are.

Yes, yes they are.

Then they think, “Oh its probably a memorial to all the wars the U.S. has been involved in”. Well folks, that’s not the case.

Why's it here?

Why’s it here?

The arena is 63 years old, it is too small its dingy, parking is terrible, there isn’t a good seat in the house and quite honestly, the place needs torn down. So what does it represent? Why isn’t it torn down? Why does the county keep sinking money into it when that money could easily be spent on…everything the county needs?

Like more Donnie Iris concerts, maybe?

Like more Donnie Iris concerts, maybe?

The reason is what the Cambria County War Memorial stands in tribute to…The Cambria County Wars.

Back in 1873 America was still licking its wounds after winning the civil war and thoroughly punishing the South for thinking they could defeat and industrialized nation armed with only incest and stupidity.

We speak twanglish, y'all.

We speak twanglish, y’all.

And Cambria county was about to enter into the greatest conflict man has ever forgotten.

Great Grampah Poopsierius Snyder was takin a shine to makin some shine with the help of Thomolias Dolan and Erik Von Van Croylestein and started running it via mule train down through Burnt Cabins and into Bedford County.

We make corn liquor.

We make corn liquor.

Problem was a couple of rum runners from Daisytown caught wind of the operation and decided to try and cut em off going down over the hill toward Pavia. Well after bein ambushed by a bunch of whoopin and hollerin asshats dressed up in poorly conceived injun costumes, Poopsierius Snyder, Thomolias Dolan and Erik Von Van Croylestein decided to strike back.

The boys snuck up over Rager’s hill toward the wretched hive of Daisytown to stalk their prey.

Well, not exactly sneaking.

Well, not exactly sneaking.

When they got to the top of the hill…

Actually I’ve lost interest in this.

Have a good night. Drive safe.

 

 

 

3 responses to “The Cambria County War Memorial.

  1. I just found your site. Doesn’t seem to be many recent posts but I hope you keep it up. This is some funny shit!

  2. Donald Berryhill

    Just found your site & it”s hilarious! Not many recent posts. I hope you keep it up.

  3. Actually, as of today I have officially posted what is probably the last update. I will be leaving the site up so you can read through the enormous backlog of garbage I spewed out of my brain. Thanks for the kind words and check out my new site, http://thegentlemensrevolution.wordpress.com/

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