Author Archives: stratt

Transformers 2: Or how Michael Bay gave me a kidney stone

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After trying to avoid this train wreck of a movie for quite some time now, i decided that since the DVD will be release soon, i might as well get it over with and watch this 2 and a half hour abortion.

First of all, as much as i can’t stand Michael Bay, I did not totally hate the first movie, thought i do believe i could have lived without had it never have been made.

I can understand why some of the story lines from the original Transformers series were changed, like how they were originally built by an alien race called the quitisons to be used as slaves. The transformers decided they weren’t going to take their crap anymore and turned against them and took over cybertron. Then the war between the Autobots and the Decepticons waged. Alright fine. That’s a little complicated to explain, espcially in a Michael Bay film where there really isn’t any story line to follow anyway.

So i let that go. Changing Bumblebee into a cumaro was stupid in my opinion, and the reason for it even more dumb. Bay claims he didn’t want people confusing him (Bumblebee) with Herbie the love bug. Please tell me what f*cking kid eve knows who herbie the love bug is? I think Bay just wanted more flashy cars in the film.

The Decepticons had little speaking roles in the first film.

Frank Welker, who played Megatron in the original series (along with a half dozen others) was shot down to reprise his role for the films. They told him, “that’s not what we’re looking for”. They let Frank do some various other robot voices for the movies.

I can go on actually if I wanted too, but this about the second movie, not the first.

Anyway, there is absolutely NO character development in this movie what so ever. They are pretty much the same as they were in the first film. Sam’s (Shia) mother was crazy for some reason, getting high from brownies she bought from some kid at college and not knowing they were baked with weed, ect. ect.

The Decepticons had much more dialogue in this film. So that’s a plus.

Special effects and action of course were that of a typical Michael Bay film. LOTS OF IT.

Prime was killed about half way through the movie, which really pissed me off. The only real story that was happening, were the Decep’s were trying to find this alternate source of Energon that was somewhere on earth, which of course ended up in the far east. This character from the comics called, “The Fallen” wanted to use this device that was buried on the earth centuries ago (the alien Transformers race were there for eons apparently) to destroy the earth’s sun and capture it’s energon.

“The Fallen” never Transformed into anything. I was waiting for him to change into a homosexuel and head down to the gay bar.

So, the movie continues, with no plot, some annoying college kid Sam met that screamed and shit himself the entire time (he added NOTHING to the movie) the the EX special agent guy came back as well.

They brought Prime back and kicked ass as usual and saved the world. Big deal.

Least they brought him back though, i was seriously pissed and about to shut the damn movie off when they killed him. He’s the only decent character in these train wrecks.

“Arcee” was in the film, as you all remember, was the female autobot from the original series. She didn’t speak much (if at all actually) but she was there mostly in the background.

They had these two Autobot twins that acted like they were Chris Tucker, only, they were NOT funny at all. They were extremly annoying, but leave it to Michael Bay to think something like that is still funny. Maybe they should have used Chris to do the voice over’s for the twins…

Devastator left me devastaed. They used the contructicons to merge together, but he looked like some stupid lized that was sucking everything inside of him. Real f*cking stupid.

“Wheelie” which is nothing like his original counter part was also very annoying. He was a decepticon that changed sides to the autobots and they decided they wanted him to act like Joe Pesci.

“Soundwave” was in the movie as well. But he was a satellite. Ravage (his counter part from the original series) wasn’t done too bad. He pretty much looked the same.

I could see it now, Bay sitting in this office with a bunch other dinosaur movie executives, “we need to come up with some hip Transformers, for the African Americans!” “Alright how about robots that act black and crazy? Blackformers!” “That is an AWESOME idea Mike! What else ya got??”

Idiots.

So in a nut shell we have, no actual story line.

Poorly rehashed Transformers with very offensive personalities.

No character development in the human characters.

Tons of special effects and fighting with giant robots.

There, now you don’t have to see it yourself.

The next morning i woke up, i was hospitalized because i was so sick, turns out i had a kidney stone. Just a coincidence that it the morning after i watched this piece of trash? I think not.

I honestly don’t even know how i feel about this movie.

Bay continues to ruin everything.I understand things need to be changed for movies, and make the ma little more modern, but there’s really no excuse for some of these robots he created that are very very annoying.

If you’re looking for tons of special effects and pointless destruction and action, then by all means go out give yourself a kidney stone.

If not, i suggest you stay away. I laughed maybe twice during the entire movie. One of the only good things that came out of it was, even though it was 2 and half hours, it went by quickly.

Anyway, that’s my review for TROTF.

Thanks the stones Bay.

D!ck.

– StraTT

Raping Hasbro

Is it just me, or does it seem that as time goes on, and movie makers keep getting more ravaged by age that the yare getting lazy and jaded by time? They just can’t seem to come up with any good ideas on their own anymore. So they decide to go back in time to my childhood and rape it over and over again.

I know Rocky has posted a few articles up on dis bitch about it, but it’s time i flipped out and threatened to kill some peeps.

It’s getting to the point where i want to head on over to old cali cali and drive a steak through Michael bays heart. He is the undead…he is evil in it’s purist form.Did this jackass EVER watch ANY of the original television shows from the 80’s? Or is he just taking guesses, or using Wikipedia for a history lesson?

It’s not the big changes that get on my nerves…it’s all the little things that did not need changed at all that pisses me off.

Transformers for example…there was NO reason to change Bumblebee from a Bug to a Cameo…NONE.I don’t care what Bay’s excuse was.He was just wanted to use a sleek new car and inject as much CGI garbage into the movie as possible. I would have been able to sit through Transformers with out vomiting repeatedly if it wasn’t called “Transformers.”

Secondly, Frank Welker who you may all know as Fry, Zoidburg, the professor, Zap Brannigan, Ren and Stimpy, Freddy from Scooby Doo…the list goes on, was also the original voice for Megatron on TF back during the 80’s TV series. Well of course they wanted him to come in an audition for the role of Megatron’s voice for the movie, then turned around and said “that’s not what we’re looking for.” Really? He WAS Megatron.

G.I. Joe is going to be a mess. It already is, and the movie hasn’t even opened yet. I can understand why they need to change the costumes so it doesn’t look like it’s 1985, but why not just set the movie during vietnam or in 1985 when the series had taken place? The same goes for Transformers.

I always said the Fantastic Four movies would have been much better if they had set them back in the 1950’s or 60’s.

What till they rape next…Thundercats? He-Man?

I don’t know how much more my childhood anus can take of Michael Bay pounding it over and over again for more money.

Let us stop him now…it’s already too late…but let’s destroy him anyway.

I’ll be back to complain about G.I. Joe after the movie opens, and i recover from the sickness I’m sure to get from watching it.

Movie View: The Day The Earth Stood Still

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So, after reading a bunch of terrible reviews for this movie, i thought it was finally time to see it for myself.

The original DTESS is a great sci-fi classic, with brillant actors and a solid plot point.

This re-make, or RE-RAPE as i call was a complete mess.They bungled things up, shot the story line to hell, and even the half decent actors that were in the film seemed like they really didn’t even want to be there.

This could have been a great re-make, but instead we are horribly let down minute after minute.

GORT, for some reason looked like Iron Man, and their were these stupid metal flying bugs (locust i suppose) that were eating everything….umm, why? The special effects were down right horrible, like most CGI is, but this time was waaaaaay over blown and crappy looking.

In the original film, Katuu  befriended the child, in this one, he didn’t until the movie was almost over. Everything moved along so fast because they were too busy worrying about crappy special effects that you really didn’t care about the characters at all.I honestly could have cared less if they all would have died at the end.

Reeves gave a horrible performance as usual, but they changed his character…he was so “stiff” and robot like.No emotion what so ever.But that could have just been his terrible acting.

All the sudden, the movie was over.It was like they go so far into and said “ok we’re done, it’s over” and didn’t even bother to shoot an ending.

Over and over again i see Hollywood taking great classic films and pretty much pulling the worlds pants down and raping every loyal fan of original masterpieces and saying “yeah that’s it, we’re gonna ruin this for you! Take it all BITCH!”

FUCKING terrible.A complete waste of time and effort.

Oh wait, that was the problem…there was no effort.

The movie is SO bad i feel bad for Jennifer Connelly and John Cleese.

Oh and Kathy Bates…i have nothing against her in any way…but what was she even doing in this movie? Her role as secretary of defense just didn’t fit her at all.

Guess money talks huh and shit walks.

If i would have paid to see this, my shit would have been walking out of the theater with promises and revenge for whoever was responsible for such tripe.

0 out of 10

– StraTT

Movie View: Transporter 3

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So I’ve had this movie for awhile now, and finally decided it was time to check it out.

Jason Statham returns as Frank, our illustrious anti-hero known as the Transporter.I have to say the movie is pretty cool, but it is no where near as insane and far out as the previous two films.

The action scenes are pretty cool, and the movie is decently paced.There is in fact though a little bit more of a story to this movie.Which i guess is a good thing.

The movie runs about 15 minutes longer then the previous films, which clocks it in at about 1 hour and 39 minutes.

Great way to end the trilogy. Of course, it COULD always be brought back, but I’m hoping they just let it be and keep the 3 films that they have made and be done with it.

The movie is worth checking out, especially if you are a fan of the first two movies. Like i said though, in this one, everything seems like it could actually happen…not too much over the topcrazyness, but still a pretty decent film.

The directing is sharp and on key as usual, and the acting is what you would expect from a Transporter film…with just a little bit more dialogue then usual.

There’s not really a lot to say about this one, and for once…that’s not a bad thing.

7 out of 10

– StraTT

Morons and Parking Garages

You know, in this fair city of Johnstown PA where i’m currently stuck at the moment, a lot of things here piss me off.Now, i realize that yes, there are worse places then here…and i know there are other towns just as stupid.But i don’t live there, so i don’t give a damn.I have to live here, so I’m going to ramble about a few things that piss me off.

Numero uno. Why is it called “The CITY of johnsTOWN”? Is it a city, or a town?Make up your fucking mind.Everyone says “the reason why the mall closes at 9 is because we are a small town”…but then why are we trying to be a city? Why do we have one of the largest Wal-Marts? Why do we have a war memorial AND a point stadium? Why do we have shitty local sports teams?It’s either one or the other.Hey, you wanna try and be a city, ok fine.Then change the name to Johnscity. OR, maybe come up with a new phrase that makes sense.

Welfare here (and the entire state of PA) is aweful.Everyone comes here when times are tough to try and get back on their feet again because the cost of living isn’t as high as most of the country. Hey, no problem. But why should someone who has a legit and honest reason to receive help from the government have to battle Thor in order to get it? When other people stroll right in and just GET GET GET. I don’t understand?

9-5.The mall here, (which is terrible by the way) doesn’t even open until 10 am on weekdays.It’s closed at 9.Most of the time, people don’t even feel like going out until 8 or 9…isn’t that the point? Now, our Wal-mart is open 24/7 which is great, but you can only take so much of that place before you want to set fire to small animals.Wal-marts always crowded, filled with moronic employees, and for the most part sells half-assed merchandise tricking you into thinking you’re getting a “deal”. But this isn’t about Wal-Mart.The city complains about unemployment, and how the Galleria Mall doesn’t make money…well maybe you should think? Keep the mall open until at LEAST 11 PM every night…including Sundays. Nothing against God, or religious types, but let’s get over this whole day of rest thing. The seventh day is when GOD RESTED…not when we’re supposed too. You keep holy the sabbath, not be a lazy prick.So, if you keep the stores open longer (catering to the people) you can hire more people AND make more money. See how that works? I’ve often heard people complaining over Christmas how they had to work until 10 or 11 (Christmas is the only time around here the stores are open later)…too fucking bad.If you lived in an actual CITY it would be like that 365 days a year. The malls would be open even later, if they ever close at all.

now the conclusion to rambling article.A few weeks ago a road down town was blocked off…I figured the city was yet again pretending something was wrong, but wasn’t going to actually fix it as usual. The roads here are a fucking nightmare…i swear sometimes i feel like we live in a third world country.Well, turned out a parking garage down town collapsed in the middle of the night…Now, as i sit and try and figure out why (because we hadn’t had any bad snow or anything yet at the time) i figured, what the hell, I’m gonna ask. Well, turns out the garage was already starting to fall apart, so the city, instead of fixing it, or closing it until it fell over, decided to only use half of it. Well, it came tumbling down, and crushed some cars that were parked inside. Who’s gonna pay for those people’s cars? There could have been people killed. But of course, that’s not the issue…the issue was saving money.

I know the entire country is in shit right now…i get it.But that is just plain out neglect and is irresponsible. If that would have been my car in there, i would have sued the city. Fuck that bullshit…there is no reason for being so blatantly stupid.

And that, is what pisses me off about the CITY of johnsTOWN.

For now.

– StraTT

Gamers Guide: Left 4 Dead

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So, as usual when i hear a great deal of buzz about a game i want to check it out myself first hand to see what all the fuss is about.Left 4 Dead is a perfect example of that type of game.I’ve heard about it for some time, long before the game even came out on the Xbox360.So i decided, what the hell, I’m gonna grab a copy for myself and see whats going on.

Now first, you must be aware that is pretty much a multiplayer game…So if you don’t have an Xbox live Gold account, the game MIGHT not be as fun.

There are four mission type stories in the game, each set up like a classic zombie flick, and you have four characters to choose from.The format of the game is your basic first person shooter, along the lines of Call Of Duty.So if You’ve played FPS games before, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

The game in itself is pretty simple…It’s a “only one way you can go” type of shooter (which is great for me since i hate games you can get lost in), a decent array of weapons, health packs, and explosives.The kicker is, there are different types of zombies, (maybe 4 or 5 including the “Witches” characters) that remind me of a mix between I am Legend and 28 Days Later.The game is dark and spooky, but not too dark, you can still see everything you have to do because you always have a flshlight with you though you don’t always have to have it turned on.As a matter of fact, turn your light off if you hear a Witch nearby, you’ll have a less likely chance of disturbing her.

If a team mate gets captured or tangled up, it is your duty to help them out and vise versa.The object really is to keep all four team mates alive until you reach the end of the stage to make your escape.

It’s pretty cut and dry, but the game is a hell of a lot of fun, expecially with three other people on XBL.You’ll get addicted, and for some reason want to play over and over again.

On the down side, there is no single player story mode…if you don’t have XBL gold, you would just play through the stories with three computer players…which i guess is still pretty cool, but not as fun as playing with three other actualy people.

The game glitches from time to time, as most game do, this one though kinda noticable but it shouldn’t affect your gameplay what so ever.

If you like going online and playing co-op games with friends, and you like zombie flicks like yours truly, then give Left 4 Dead a spin, it will be well worth your time.

Graphics are pretty rich and full, and the soundtrack keeps you awake at all times.

7 out of 10

– StraTT

Gamers Guide: Sonic Unleashed

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So the sonic team returns, and as usual, it’s not for the better.

When i first heard that Sega and Sonic Team were developing a new 3D platform based Sonic game, i was getting pretty excited. Then when i read about the Wer-hog stages i started to become a little skeptical.

Now, this review is for the PS2 version of the game, because as of right now, i have not played the Xbox 360 version which from what i have read is a different game. I really hope so.

The game starts off like any sonic game that has been made in the last 9 years.You talk to some stupid ass looking character that looks like a 5 year old drew it.He tells you a bunch of shit you don’t care about, and leads you through a 45 minute tutorial that’s painfully boring.

Once you get through all that crap, you finally get to play something half decent.A platform 3D type stage. That’s about the coolest part of the game.It’s actually kinda fun, and i think they should have made the entire game this way.

THEN you get to move onto a “night” stage were, for some reason, you turn into wer-sonic.These stages are basically a platform beat’em up kinda thing, except when you have to find certain things to open a door to move on…for fucks sake.This is what ruined the last 4 sonic games (except for the DS games, they were fucking sweet) so why keep doing it?I thought the point of this was to bring back the old platform style game with new graphics just like Nintendo did on the DS with New Super Mario Bros.

I guess i was wrong though.Look, the game isn’t the worst game I’ve played by a long shot, but i will tell you that the PS2 version in particular is very disappointing. The graphics are choppy and shoddy looking to be honest.The game certainly could have done without the boring wer-sonic stages altogether.I just don’t see a need for it.If you were going to do this wer-sonic thing, why not make his stages running as well?

I just don’t understand Sonic Teams logic lately…just make 1 decent platform running sonic game for the new ages and make everyone happy.Or hell, go back to side scrolling and use 3D graphics for it like the DS games.Stop letting everyone down.People wonder what happened to Sega, and why they went bankrupt over and over again…bad marketing, and bad games.Don’t get me wrong though, Sega has made a lot of great games over the years too…but this one i would avoid unless the price drops to about $20.If you wanna try it out, go for it.The running stages are fun, and that’s bout it. Maybe after i try the xbox 360 version i’ll come back and revise this artical, but for now, this game only gets a 5…because it’s mediocre at best.

5 out of 10

– StraTT

Gamers Guide: Gears Of War 2

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So after much anticipation, Epic Games and Microsoft released Gears Of War 2 back in November. I finally was able to play as good old marcu fenix again and start slathering the hordes with my gigantic guns.

I must say i was not disappointed at all. To be honest though, the game was much better then i thought it would be. I knew it would be good, but damn.The story line and cinematics are exciting, and the gameplay is dead on from the original game.

After completing the first Gears Of War, you kinda get the feeling that there will be a second one…just like how you complete this one, you know there will be a third one…plus i think they have already announced it.

For those of you with an Xbox 360, i encourage you to give this game a spin, is worth it. It seems a little longer then the first one (but maybe i’m mistaken) but all in all probably a total of 6-8 hours of gameplay which is standard for first person shooters now.

The problem is, the games have gotten much bigger, but the DVD size stays the same. I personally don’t think ANY video game is worth $60, but this one comes pretty close.

Plenty of achievements, and load of multiplayer stuff to do, you’ll probably get your money worth long before Gears 3 hits the shelves in a few years.

The graphics are tight as hell, the music is heart pounding, and the action is almost none stop. Theres a few stages of riding some things in this game (i won’t give anything away) and one in particular because kinda tedious, but other then that, i find no faults. Sometimes when you kill something, the character says something that doesn’t really make any sense (pre-recorded lines from Gears 1) but hey, nothings perfect right?

Go out right now and grab Gears Of War 2…you know what, you probably already have. So I’m telling you what you already know. I just thought I’d remind you…it ROCKS.

9 out of 10

– StraTT

Movie View: Alone In The Dark 2

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Ok, i got to check out the squeal to 2005’s “Alone In The Dark” movie that was supposed to be based off the video game but for some reason wasn’t.

IF it wasn’t supposed to be based off the game, the first movie might have been half decent. Like, maybe if you were sitting at home bored one day and it was on TBS or something.

This sequel, was the most awful piece of shit i have ever seen in my entire life.It was almost as i was watching a really low budget episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

I would like to point out that the video games, (the original series) took place in the 1920’s, about a paranormal investigator.

Edward Carnby was his name…now for some reason or another, he was played by Christian Slater in the first film…fine. Ok. But then in this disaster, he was Asian…now you tell how much sense that makes.Rick Yune plays the character, that for some reason really has no back story nor remembers anything from the first film.

And this one is about a witch and a dagger…

Why does Hollywood keep doing this?

Most of the time, if a movie is a direct to DVD sequel i try to find SOMETHING half decent to say about it because i know that the budget was low. THERE IS NOTHING GOOD I CAN SAY ABOUT THIS MOVIE.

It was boring as all hell, and honestly i could not wait until it was over.

I have seen CNN reports that had more action then this.

So great, i now have an hour and twenty minutes of my life that i will never get back. I would say that the movie will put you to sleep, but it doesn’t even deserve you sleeping through it.

Avoid this movie like the plague.

I don’t understand why they have to keep doing this…and ruining good natured video games and cartoons from the past.

Hey, i have an idea, let’s make a Zelda movie, but make link German trying to find the dagger that the evil Canadian’s left in a cave somewhere in Iceland. Sound good to you?

Assholes.

1 out of 10.

I give it a 1 only because the girl in the film was pretty hot. Oh, but a bad actress.

– StraTT

Movie View: Resident Evil Degeneration

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So it seems we have a fourth Resident Evil motion picture on our hands, this time done completely by CG, and Capcom itself.

The three live action movies were “ok” in my opinion, probably the best they could have been done by a live action cast. Story and characters were changed a little, but of course it’s Hollywood, and that’s to be expected.My favorite of the three was “Resident Evil: Apocalypse”.

Anywho, i got to check out the new CG movie last night, and i must admit it was pretty good. If you’re a fan of the Resident Evil video game series, you will most defiantly love this movie. I’m not that big of a fan, but i do like the games.

The CG was VERY well done, sometimes almost looked as if it were real.

The story bridges the gap between RE 4 and the upcoming RE 5 video games, and was full of action and suspense. Other then the dialogue being off from the mouth movements and a few “quirks” with cG effects, the movie was pretty impressive for something that’s going straight to DVD.

Alyson Court and Paul Mercier reprise their roles as Claire Redfield and Leon S. Kennedy from the video game series, which is also a plus. I was afraid i was going to be watching 90 minutes of video game cinematics, which it does KINDA feel that way, but in another way it still feels like a movie as well.

If you’re a Resident Evil fan, you gotta check out “Degeneration” when it hits shelves on December 27th in the U.S.

You shant be disappointed.

7 out of 10

– StraTT

Why you should watch “American Dad!”

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I’ve always been a big fan of animated sitcoms, ever since The Simpsons started in 1989.They aren’t as phony as real shows, and can poke fun at everything, even themselves.

The problem is, ever since The Simpsons, everybody and their brother has been trying to capitalize on their success.Many have failed of course (Fish Police, Family Dog, Capitol Critters) and the very few that do stick around, don’t stick around for very long.

The Simpsons is probably my all time favorite show. No doubt. If it wasn’t for them, we wouldn’t have any of the great shows we have today. BUT…i do think it’s time to put this old horse out to pasture.The show has been up and down since season 13, and although the movie was decent, i think the show has run it’s course.

I guess as long as fox can make money from it, the show will be around forever.

Other great shows that should have lasted a lot longer (The Critic, Futurama) didn’t even really get a chance to prove themselves in the world of prime time animated television shows. For some jack ass reason Futurama was on TV at 7 in the evening on a Sunday….who the hell is watching TV at that time? Everyone knows TV starts at 8.Then the censors would complain about the shows content and say “this is too extreme, violent or offensive for 7’o clock”….ya think? They never intended the show to be on so early…so because of this, the series was canceled. Thankfully we got 4 straight to DVD movies of this great series.

The point I’m trying to make is there is another clever, funny, and intelligent show on TV that probably won’t last as long as it should…i speak of course, of American Dad!

American Dad! is going to be the next Futurama if we don’t do something about it. Fox is already complaining about the shows low ratings, and i would hate to see such a great show canceled before it’s time.

It’s witty, funny, intelligent, and in my opinion the best show that’s on TV this fall…it’s in season 4…let’s hope they make it to season 5.So get ON your asses and watch American Dad every Sunday night at 9:30 on Fox.OR…get off your asses and get to the nearest store and pick up the seasons on DVD.

Or watch them on Adult Swim.

Anyway, there’s nothing better then a show about a man who works for the CIA, lives with an alien,  and a fish with the brain of a German…and of course the family.Hailey, the teenage hippy whore, Steve the nerd and or course Francine the loving wife who puts up with all of Stan’s BS.

The series started off kinda slow (don’t all new shows?) and at first i thought it was Seth’s way of replacing Family Guy.After FG was brought back to the screen, it was time for good old American Dad to become it’s own show.The show started shaping up after the first few episode though, right after you understand whats going on and getting used to the characters.A show has to be able to develop or you would not care about whats going on.Anyway, the show has shaped nicely, and even the beginning of the series is great even though it’s just getting things kick off.

I’m not kidding, you won’t regret watching this show if you have any kind of intelligence or sense of humor.

– StraTT

A Few Of My Favorite Records (That Time Forgot) Part 1

Now it’s time for the Infamous Stratt to tell you what to do. If it isn’t enough that i tell you what movies to watch, now I’m telling you what albums (that means CD’s kiddies) to listen to.This is a new column of the greatest albums ever made, over rated, and under rated, that if you do not have, you will run to the store after reading this to buy them. The band to the following albums can thank me later.

Now, let’s begin.

Live

Throwing Copper

1994

Laugh if you want, but Live’s “Throwing Copper” is one of the greatest Cd’s ever made. This is one of those albums where you can listen to the entire CD all the way through. There are the regular classics such as “Selling The Drama”, “I, Alone” and ” and “Lightning Crashes” which I’m sure all of you have heard at some point in your life, unless you’ve been living in a cave the last 15 years. But other then the obvious hit singles, the album offers other great songs as well. “The weavers live up the street from me” is the opening line to the classic “Shit Towne” which I’m sure anyone living in a shit town can relate to. There no better chorus then “gotta live, gotta live, gotta live in shit town!” And of course my favorite line “The mail visits each of us in time”. My second favorite swell song from this forgotten album is waitress. “Come on baby leave some change behind, she was a bitch but i don’t care…she brought our food out on time and wore a funky beret in hair”. Hey he’s right…everybody’s good enough for some change.

“The dam at otter creek”, “Iris”, “Top”, “All over you” are also great songs  worth radio air play. I’m pretty sure those four songs have been on the radio. Especially “All Over You” since it WAS a single. The song titled T.D.B. was alright, probably my least favorite on the cd, but i can still listen to it. That also goes for “stage” which is just a short rock song.

“Pillar of division” is a fantastic weird ass song…”The Shepard won’t leave me alone. He’s in my face…” great lyrics…kinda dark for Live and a little strange as well.Let’s not forget about “White Discussion” which also gets some pretty decent airplay…well at least it did a few years back. “Look where all this talking got us baby”.

I’m telling you, go to the music store, a swap shop, or even your local Wal-Mart. Or hell, download the CD from I-tunes or something…but buy “Throwing Copper”. I assure you, you will not regret it or my name isn’t billy joe haslebith. Oh wait, i guess it isn’t. Yeah well anyway, buy the Cd anyway. It’s truly a classic.

Hey Stupid! Does not endorse downloading illegal pirated music and burning it to a CD for free saving you like $20. No, don’t do that. You’ll end up in prison with a cell mate named Bubba.

– StraTT

Movie View: The Dark Knight

So, after almost a years worth of “hype” and every comic book nerd on the planet awaiting the next Batman train wreck, it seems that we are all so very surprised. Not only is the movie #1 at the box office right now, but has also set new records for opening days and weekends.

Of course like any other curious person, i wanted to see what all the fuss was about.I do that very often with movies, because i want to know why everyone else likes (or hates) something as much as they do.

Most of the time if everyone says a movie sucks, it’s because they don’t understand it. In that case. i usually love it.And if someone says it’s great, it’s usually horrible, or somewhat watchable at best.

Batman Begins was a brilliant way to try and restore the Batman movie franchise that was easily decimated because one of the worst films ever made…Batman and Homo. I mean, Batman and Robin.The beginning of the Batman movie franchise wasn’t really that bad…people are giving Tim Burton’s films a thumbs down compared to the “2000” version of Batman. Let’s not be so hasty. Back when Burton did Batman and Batman Returns, they were the talk of the town…the films made mad money and everyone at least liked them.I still do.They fit the “Batman” at the time. It was dark, but screwy…like many of Tim Burton’s films.More “comic book like”, but still very amusing. Then we moved on to “Batman Forever” which is, to say the least, a little more like a “70’s” Batman.While the film was watchable, Jim Carey stole the show.Then on to what nearly destroyed it…Batman and Robin. The biggest mess in movie history as far as I’m concerned.

So after all that, batman faded away for awhile…from the movies that is. Then Batman Begins came to be, and the dark knight was reborn.

The latest in the franchise, i have to say is a film that comic book fans, and non-comic book fans alike can appreciate. It’s probably the most realistic super hero movie i’ve ever seen. Other then Batman and his gadgets, it all seemed so very real.

Now, i have to say, while the movie was good, and most entertaining it certainly is not the greatest either.It has it’s flaws, like most super hero type movie often do.Those flaws can be put aside though, especially because of the brilliant acting done by most of the cast. Heath Ledger lived up to his hype…he was a cynical, diabolical son of a bitch as the Joker…almost to the point it made your skin want to crawl. When he was on the screen of course. He MIGHT have been in about half of the movie. But he did a great job playing the original Joker…thats how the character should be. Don’t get me wrong though, Jack Nicholson did a great job as the Joker as well…least i think so. His performance will not be forgotten.

The Dark Knight portrays itself as super hero film, but in reality is almost like a crime drama action movie with Batman in it…which is why the film seems a bit more realistic then the rest.They seemed to have wrapped up the Scarecrows character rather quickly, and in the end, never really said what happened to our happy go lucky blow’em all to bits maniac Joker.

The ending was a bit of a downer, but maybe it will pave the way for a Batman Begins 3.

Aaron Eckhart really gave Tommy Lee Jones a run for his money as “Two Face”. In this film, this is how the character should have been portrayed.

So in conclusion, though somewhat disappointed by the film (seemed to drag a little at times) i must say i was most impressed with the latest Batman tale.The movie is over two and half hours long, so be prepared to sit for awhile…but if you’re a fan of the Bat, you shant be disappointed…or at least not by much.

The film is worth seeing in the theaters…once, then again when the DVD is released sometime around Christmas.

7 out of 10.

– StraTT

Independence Day

You know like most holidays the 4th of July of every year gets on my nerves.About a month before the day is even close, morons are out at their local Wal-Mart ready to buy things that go boom, or make some loud stupid noises that are designed to impress even the stupidest of monkeys.

It’s a shame that on the day we are supposed to celebrate our independence, we are too busy watching flashing lights and listening to idiots yell “damn dat was loud yo”.

Have we really fallen so far down the chain of evolution that we are impressed by ten dollar cardboard objects that we light on fire and watch brightly colored fuzz spew from it’s cheaply constructed holes?

I thought on this day, we should eat food, spend the day with loved ones, and remember that even though this country has it’s problems (and lately it’s a lot of them) but still at LEAST be satisfied with the fact that we don’t live in brazil or africa were people are starving to death.

Instead, we light off stupid fireworks that annoy our neighbors when they are trying to sleep, or just relax, and eat so much more food then we need to, we could save a dying third world country.

It’s to my understanding that the whole “fireworks” thing is supposed to be a reenactment of the past wars, where we remember those who died for our country in order for us to have the very little freedoms that we have today.But apparently people don’t care about that anymore, all they care about is eating more food then they should, and listening to stupid cheap explosions that are supposed to remind us of our freedom.

Do you really think your neighbor that has a john deer pro tractor parked on his drive way is thinking of the people that died for this country when he lights off his quarter stick of dynamite? Hell no, he just wants to impress all of the other stupid people around him by making the biggest boom, and blowing up a small part of the country he’s supposed to love.

Do you really think your neighbor with the $200, 000 gas grill, that if lite improperly could blow up half of Russia really cares that there are countries where people starving to death? No, all he cares about is being able to cook 12 hamburgers at the same so he can shove them down his selfish gullet while spewing crumbs in your face telling you that your local sports team is “gonna win it all this year”.

Wow America, thats a great way to celebrate the freedom that our fore fathers and great grand parents died for.

Now hold on just a minute before you start judging me…theres is nothing wrong with celebrating the 4th of July…all i ask is that you do remember why you are celebrating it.

Have a cook out.

Have fireworks.

Then watch “saving private Ryan”, or any War movie to top the day off.

Was it worth all those people dying in wars so you could stuff your fat ass with food or blow off your fingers with cheap chin ease fireworks?

You tell me.

Everyone just takes holidays for granted.

All i ask is that you remember WHY you have the right to over eat, or blow off bodily appendages.

– StraTT

Indiana Jones Goes Lego

So we are only 5 days away from “Lego Indiana Jones: The video Game” and i cannot wait. I love the Lego Star Wars games, and i am looking forward indeed to Indy going Lego.

Many people state that the Lego games are for kids…but have you ever played them? Sure, the games aren’t really that hard, but there are tons of secrets and characters and stages to unlock. And ain’t no kid gonna do that…no way. Well, maybe in Japan…

I think these games were made to be easy, so everyone can enjoy them, and not be frustrated with horrible difficulty like there is in most games that come out now.

Some games to me are so ridiculously hard, they aren’t even fun, or worth playing.

Some games i am better at then others, but why is it all games have to be damn near impossible to beat anymore unless you play it on easy? I’m sorry that i do have better things to do then sit around and play games 24 hours a day until i know the game inside and out, and i’m sorry i have better things to do then go on xbox live and put down people who aren’t as good as i am at certain games. Stop living in your parents basement, get a girlfriend, a fucking life and stop hounding everyone online because they “suck”. Especially kids. And i’m not talking about Call Of Duty, or Halo, since those games aren’t for kids anyway. I mean more family oriented games like “Rock Band”.

Lego Indiana Jones is gonna be pretty sweet, and i can’t wait to pick up an Xbox360 copy on tuesday when it comes out. And for all you morons that say “those games suck….” FUCK YOU.

Indy rules, and so do legos.

God i love the 80’s.

Except for hair bands.

I’ll post a review of the games after i buy it and play through it.

– StraTT

Movie View: Diary Of The Dead

Has George A. Romero ever done ANYTHING that didn’t involve zombies? Nah, i honestly think he never has. In his latest film, “Diary Of The Dead” Romero takes some college students, gives them a few camera’s and has them “shoot the dead”. Much like “The Blair Witch Project” or “Cloverfield” this film is supposed to look completely legit, as if the events you see are actually happening. To be honest, it doesn’t really seem to work this time. Although they give reasons for certain things, like why there is music in the movie (which is explained by the main character, that “she” added the music to make the footage look more dramatic) and at least 2 camera angles, because a second camera was found in a hospital when they stopped there to try and save a friend of theirs that shot herself after witnessing the horror of the dead walking the streets. (she ran them over and couldn’t deal with it…wuss.)It was good there was an explanation for those things, but it didn’t really help the movie look “real”.

There were no explanations in this movie about why people were coming back to life when they died. It just happened…and then they would bite more people ect ect…

the film wasn’t terrible, but i was thankful that it was no longer then 90 minutes.A few times i found myself bored with what was going, but something interesting would happen, forcing me to pay attention again.

There really isn’t much to say about the film…i pretty much gave you the plot. Jason, a film student keeps documenting the footage so the people that survive this horror will know the truth, and what really happened.

They never really find an answer for what was happening…and the footage to me looks like an actual movie, and not something recorded with a CAM.

But hey, with all the other terrible movies coming out, why not mix the blair witch project with zombies?

If you’re a fan of Romero, i said check it out, just to say you’ve seen it.

If you’re looking for something new and exciting…you aren’t getting it from this film. It’s pretty much the same thing we’ve seen time and time again.

I thought Cloverfield was much better.

5 Out of 10.

– StraTT

The Hardest F@ck!ng Games Ever Made 2

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You knew it was coming…and here it is.It was once a great time for our nation…Nintendo was racking up sales at Hills, and Saturday morning cartoons were filled with teenagers.Mutant ninja teenage turtles that is.

Battletoads is so close to copy right infringement it’s not even funny. Seriously…stop laughing.

I like this game, and the others…but come on…it’s a blatant rip off of our four lean green heroes.If thats not enough, this game is so hard it would make a gay guy at the pride parade sterile.

The controls in this game are really flimsy to me.You hit left, you run to the left of the screen in 1.2 seconds. While your punching the crap out of some pig or rat, another one is behind you…he takes a swing and kills you by knocking you off the screen.But after all that, and you manage to kill the first boss, you find yourself on a rope in a tunnel…

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Looks easy eh? Well, it’s so so i guess.Don’t get hit with a laser, or those 3 hearts you have for energy will be gone and you will find yourself at the bottom of the tunnel near a bum taking a piss next to you.(hypothetically.)

And now…where everyone dies. Where no toad comes out alive…

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I don’t know what the hell the programmers were thinking when they made this stage.

Your stupid little flying go-cart thing doesn’t move fast enough to dodge the walls later on in the level.Oh, it may be possible to get passed this…on like the 100th try.I’ve never gotten to the end. EVER.I’ve seen later stages of the game buy hitting the warps, which are almost near impossible to get to in time as well.

But this is…theres not even a word for it.Irritating comes to mind…Killing people on the street i don’t even know…raping the pope.Whatever, this makes the game not even fun.

I remember a few years ago E-Rokk and myself were playing some old school Nintendo and we decided we needed hair cuts.So we popped in the game that would make us bald…Battletoads.We got to this stage, tried it once, then we quit. And that was it.

I hear the snake riding level is hard too, and there is also a stage like the hover cart only you’re on a surf board. Yay.

I tried CHEATING to beat this game with game genie.I was on the last stage, where you have to climb this giant tower to get the Dark Queen.Who, for some reason for a video game chick is pretty hot.I have never beaten this game.Well i did literally, by throwing it across the room.

Once i took a copy of Star Tropics 2 for Nintendo and threw it down the street.I lived on the tippy top of a hill, and it rolled all the way to the bottom.

A week later i found it.I brought it home and popped it in…the fucker still worked.

Nintendo really knows how to make steardy stuff.

Anyway, battletoads…really hard. Good game…really hard.

I do not recommend you trying this game without a game genie. Because even cheating, the game is still going to enrage you.
– StraTT

The Hardest F@ck!ng Games Ever Made

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I’ve been playing a lot of classic games lately and i must say that Super Ghouls N’ Ghosts for the SNES is probably one of the hardest games I’ve ever played in my life.

It is seriously hair pulling fun.On my own, I’ve only got as far as the second part of stage 2.Now, i didn’t realize it at the time, but the difficulty was still set on normal.

So i decided to use the cheat code to skip stages just to check them out.

I put the game on easy.

Still died every 5 seconds.

Now, I’m no skillful gamer…but usually if i play something relentlessly, i can get pretty good at it, or at LEAST complete the game half assed.

Not this game though. Been playing it off and on for over 10 years and i still suck at it.

You can bump up your lives to 9, and you get 7 continues, but it really does you no good.Cause once you die, unless you hit the 2nd or 3rd part of a stage, you’re sent back to the beginning. And you would think you wouldn’t make the same mistake twice…but the games programming is kinda strange.The enemies seem to move in different patterns every time you play.Now, they always appear in the same place…well most of them.But for some reason if you try to kill a ghost the same way you did before…you get hit.

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Now heres the thing wit dis mother fucker.You get 2 hits.1 Hit, you go from Armor to underwear, then 2nd hit, you turn into bones.

Then you’re back to the beginning or where ever it was you started from.

Heres a rare treat:

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Some poor bald person has completed the game. How you may ask? Probably took a SNES rom and hacked it so he could get a screen shot of the end of the game. I’ve seen the big boss at the end.I guess it’s Lucifer. He’s freakin’ huge.And you have to jump on these platforms to hit him…while lasers for some reason are flailing out of him.

Anyway, my point is, this game rocks.It’s a GREAT game.

But it makes me want to run over Jews with a car I’ve stolen from a nun.

It’s later sequels “Maximo” for the PS2 were not THIS hard.

But what do you expect? EVERY other “Ghosts” game was a bitch. The arcade.The NES version. The sega genesis version.

But this…this take the taco.

Give it whirl.

Go ahead.

I dare you.

– StraTT

Movie View: Beowulf

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“I’ve Come To Kill Your Monster”

In this new age of CG movies, we often expect too much from films these days.Then after we see them, we say “eh”.Well, Beowulf is kinda like that.

This is not a bad movie. It’s actually pretty good, and the best movie version of “Beowulf” I’ve seen.The CG is actually pretty decent, and sometimes almost feels as if the characters you are watching are real.Well, i mean they are real but you are actually watching CG versions of them.

The man who calls himself Beowulf travels far and long to slay monsters that are terrifying towns and people’s sometime in the middle ages.Then he comes across a monster so vile instead of killing it…he has sex with it.Of course, i mean i would too.Come on people…it’s Angelina J.Now, this is after he kills her child, which was the actual monster causing chaos in the village.

So he gets her knocked up, and she must have been doing some pretty hefty drugs while she was pregnant, because for some reason she gives birth to a dragon.Beowulf is king at this time but still decides to finish the job.The movie is pretty much “it all just happens again way down the line” kinda story, but it’s fun.

It’s a classic story, remade in CG.The acting is so so.

But hey, the Director’s Cut DVD is coming out soon, so give it a try.I’m sure the film was much better in 3D at the theaters.

Really, it’s not terrible.

7 out of 10.

– StraTT

Movie View: 30 Days Of Night

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“Out Of The Light, Into The Night”

You know, I do have to admit something…I had some decently high hopes for this movie. For some reason while I was watching it, I was disappointed. Now, I fell asleep after the first hour, (and it wasn’t because I was bored) and the phone rang so I was on that for about a half an hour and by the time I started it back up again to finish it, I just wanted it to be over so I could smoke a cigarette.

But now that I’m here, typing a review, I have to admit I liked it.For a vampire flick, it was pretty good. It was different, I’ll give it that. Of course we all know (at least I hope we do) that this film is based off of a graphic novel, much like Frank Miller’s “Sin City”.

The acting was pretty decent, and believable at best. There were some pretty cool scenes involving rampage and destruction.The only thing I didn’t understand was why all the vampires looked Japanese…I never read the novel, so maybe I’m missing some information here.Pretty gory, but not like “SaW” gore.Good cast, good setting, and a pretty decent idea.These vampires (like I said I don’t know their back story) decide to raid a town in Alaska after the sun has set for 30 days. Clever eh? I dunno I thought so.

There are SO many bad vampire movies out there.But this one is worth checking out.I mean, I thought it was pretty good for a vampire flick.So grab or rent the DVD in a weeks and give this one a chance.Personally, I wouldn’t have wasted money to see this in a theater…but this is coming from a guy who wasted $8.50 on Transformers. Not that it was bad, but I probably could have waited for the DVD.

7 out of 10.

– StraTT